Sorry I haven't posted in a while - as Allen said I've been returning to work part time to try and establish a new "normal" pattern. It's been tough - when I'm away from her I feel like I'm losing time that I might never get back. It is all so just beneath the surface...
This past weekend was the hardest on for me so far. Things are falling in to a new groove during the week, but the weekend is always our time to reconnect and do things together. I miss her around the house, in the car, walking outside, her voice, her laugh, her smile, her touch, her smell ...
Putting Sid to bed is hard because we pray for mama - we pray that there is a miracle and she is healed. A toddler doesn't get that - at least it does not appear that ours does. I pray that her prayers about mama getting better and us driving her home in our minivan come true.
I've been praying a lot that God hurry up and make up his mind... and I feel awful about it. How can I pray that ... how can anyone pray that their spouse and best friend pass... I am comforted by the knowledge that if He takes her that she will experience eternal Joy - but the hole that it will make in my life and my kids lives seems so daunting.
So I guess I'm asking that everyone redouble their prayers for Hyatt and for me - and go right now and hug your loved ones and tell them how much you love them.
Troy.
PS. Say a prayer for Dan - I met his wife in the elevator today - he's had a rough 2 weeks, but it looks like he's going home soon ...
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29 comments:
Our hearts are heavy for you & your family. We continue to pray for a miracle.
Troy,
I too have asked that you not have to stay in this "in between" stage. For Hyatt to just come back. It is not fair for anyone to have to go through the unknown of such a situation, it makes no sense for everyone to have to be in such a limbo state. I do not know either you or Hyatt but I have cried, I have gotten angry, and I continue to pray, check the blog, and think of your entire family. I live in Bristow and as I go about my day with my children and frequently drive down Linton Hall Rd. in my minivan, passing other Moms in their minivans, all I can do is think of Hyatt. How many times I must have passed her either on the road or even in Target(who doesn't love Target?) or at the grocery store. I think of her constantly and wish beyond anything that she will just come home to you and your daughters. It is just so unfair that this has happened to a family that seems so wonderful. Stay strong. Today's update from Allen seems quite positve. We are ALL still with you in spirit and praying for Hyatt to PLEASE,PLEASE come back to you VERY soon.
Troy,
I heard about Hyatt through a friend in Corpus Christi, Texas. Please know that the body of Christ all over the U.S. is interceding on Hyatt's behalf. A songwriter once wrote, "It's not in trying, but in trusting, it's not in running, but in resting, it's not in wandering, but in praying that we find the strength of the Lord." Rest in His strength when yours is depleted.
Troy,
You are normal to pray the things you are. Our daughter is terminally ill and I to have prayed that God would decide one way or another what her journey in life will be or when it will end. When he does call her home, I pray that he takes her peacefully and gently and to not let her suffer in pain. She is only eight months old and is too innocent to have to suffer. What I do know is that she has a purpose here. She has brought renewed faith to many people. I'm still trying to find her purpose with me as her mom and my husband is to because at times I don't understand why God would bless us with such a beautiful daughter only to eventually be taken away. I do know I will see and hold her again in Heaven. This I'm sure of.
Believe in the power of prayer! My daughter is 1 in 6000 that are born alive with her condition. Like I said, she is now eight months old! Praise the Lord!!!!
I pray for Hyatt, but also for you and your children (also for her mom bc I know they were very close even in jr high and high school and I am sure more so now). I can only imagine what you are going through. Your feelings, while you may feel they sound terrible, are so understandable. Time is one of the hardest things right now, not knowing what may or may not come.
Prayers doubled, as much as they can be. I pray also for small blessings to you in the meantime.
Troy,
You are naturally morning what you have lost. By the grace of our Lord you will regain it but what you are feeling now is natural (although very difficult). I pray for peace for you daily as well as for Hyatt's healing. When my father had Alzheimer's and no longer knew who I was I too, morned him. I felt horrible about it because he was still alive. I know now that that expression of sorrow was what kept me from going crazy. We have to let these emotions out or they get entangled in us and come out in ways that can be detremental to us and those around us. Allow yourself these thoughts and feelings and find your peace in your faith. God Bless you.
Karen Mong
Dear Troy,
Thank you so much for being human and allowing us a window into your "inside voice."
Troy, you are asking questions and experiencing feelings that we all would ask and experience in this situation. There probably isn't one of us who hasn't dared ask ourselves how we would walk your path...and you have done it with a grace, humanity, and faith that has inspired us all.
Please don't feel awful for your prayers. No one wants their loved one to suffer, and it shows your tremendous, self-sacrificing love that you would be willing to consider the thought of Hyatt's loss if that is what is necessary for her to find peace and eternal joy.
Your prayer actually seems like a "Your will be done prayer"--as if you are truly putting Hyatt into God's hands...just asking that the agony of waiting not be prolonged. So, please...be easy on yourself.
I can't imagine how long your days must be...and I will continue to pray for your strength. There are so many people rooting for that "minivan homecoming" for you, Hyatt, and your girls.
I think of Hyatt every day...so many times. She is every mom I see, everywhere I go...and that's how many times I pray.
Just remember to pray for what you want. That is the reason that most of us don't get what we want is because we don't pray for it.
Continue to pray for Hyatt's miracle but also pray for the strength to accept God's will for her. Only He knows His plan and while it makes no sense in this life for us, and may seem horribly unfair, you will someday understand when you are reunited with Hyatt in heaven. Troy, there are worse things than death . . . . you are a good person with a big heart -- God is with you and working through you. To what end remains to be seen, but I know you will be all right. Stay strong for your girls and keep your faith in your heart. You will get through this.
I, too, agree that you should pray for what you want. So many times we are afraid to pray for ourselves and what we want. At the same time, pray for God's "perfect" will. Pray on Hyatt's behalf for what you know she wants...she wants to come back to you and your girls.
Hyatt's story has touched my heart in so many ways. I keep checking your blogs for that one posting that will say "Hyatt is awake and talking to us !!!!"
Bless you and your family!!
Troy,
My dad had a heart attack three days before I was to be married. Yes he died in front of me. That is when I learned as a Catholic that God did what he needed to do at the right time in my life. He did not make my dad suffer and he needed my dad more than I did at that time. Yes I was mad with God but for thirty years I do believe he did what he had to, to make life better for me and my husband. I think with all my heart that Hyatt will get better but it will take time. She is young and was healthy. Please do not give up HOPE!!!!! My prayers and love are with your family. JoAnne Urbanski
NCSU, College of Natural Resources
Troy,
I can't imagine what is like going through this with a spouse. I know when it was happening to my loved one I just really asked that his will be done and not mine. I found peace in the final outcome. Your girls are so blessed have such wonderful parents. I truly feel my loved one now in so many moments of my life. Like the Lord has given me an extra guardian angel. I believe that Hyatt is resting in the arms of the Lord while she recovers and he will decide whether to bring her home to you or Him. It is hard to understand his plans for our lives, especially when they don't seem fair. Thank you for saying what so many Christians are afraid to say. Know that so many people are still praying for a miracle.
Troy,
I first heard about Hyatt through an email from my son who recieved an email from a friend from his church here in Indiana. What a comfort it must be to know that people all over the country are praying for your wife, you, and your family. I too, keep checking your blogs hoping to hear that God sends her back to you and the children soon. I lost my husband to cancer after 27 years of marriage (he was 47, I was 45) and my children were grown (in college) and I know how hard it is to let go. Even though the doctors had all told us that it was terminal, I prayed for a miracle almost to the end. The last day of his life he was in so much pain and so miserable that I finally started praying for God to take him home, give him peace, and make him whole again. He died three hours later with a smile on his face. We still miss him terribly but I know that he is not hurting anymore. I can't even imagine how hard it has been for you with your children being so young and I do believe in miracles from God and think that you should continue to pray for one as long as there is hope. Your young daughters need their Mother and there are so many prayers going out for her! God answers prayer! My heart goes out to Hyatt, you and your family. May God hold you and your loved ones in His comforting arms as you go thru this difficult time.
You have been so strong through this difficult time. We will continue to include you in our thoughts and prayers. God Be With You. Shirley
Troy: John and I continue to pray for you and Hyatt and your girls. We realize how difficult this must all be. I post a blog for my husband who is very ill with cancer. I put in Hyatt's blog information, and I get told every day that many people are praying for her.
We attended the prayer vigil in Fairfax, and it was very moving. We definitely believe that prayer is your most powerful weapon. God bless you. We know that you will get your miracle. With Fathers Barkett and Stefan on your side, your family is well on its way. We pray for you every evening. Olga and John Pavlick
Do you ever feel, things come at you all at once? Why do these things happen to good people? To spiritual people? To make us stronger? To bring us together? We must believe, but sometimes believing is an uphill battle.
Why do children die? Why would GOD take Hyatt away from her family? She has done so much and she WILL do more if GOD would give her back to her family here on Earth.
Please HEAR OUR PRAYERS, PLEASE MAKE HYATT OUR MIRACLE!
I am praying for you and your family Troy. I hug and kiss my girls (Emma, 6 and Lilly, 3) everyday. Keep hope alive my friend. Hope to talk to you soon.
Chris
chmyers@bellsouth.net
Remember our God is bigger and stronger than we can ever imagine. I tell my children all the time, God can handle your anger or your fear. You don't have to sugar coat anything for Him. Thank you for being honest with God and with all of us. You are teaching us some much about living life to its fullness with all the sorrow and pain that goes with it.
Troy,
I, my family, and friends continue to pray for you and Hyatt. I got in touch with Laura James from back at NCSU as well. We're all just shocked and deeply saddened when we find out. I'd love to come and visit Hyatt and you if possible. Please contact me so we can coordinate.
JWatkinson@Xantheon.com
I do not know your family- have never met Hyatt-- but was forwarded this blog by a childhood friend of hers. Please know that many people who have never met you are praying for you. Also know that we are hugging our children, spouses and friends tighter because of her and never taking anything for granted. God speed.
Troy, I've been thinking about you especially today as you feel Hyatt's absence more deeply. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this process of grieving what has happend simply because it's where you are. There is now right or wrong way to grieve. Emotions of grief often ebb and flow like the waves. Sometimes they come crashing out of nowhere. Often they are just beneith the surface. I am praying along with you the prayer that never fails-"Thy will be done" while longing and hoping that Hyatt wakes up and comes home to you all. You and yours are loved and prayed for by many.
How may we view the beautiful photographs which were previously on this blog site?
It helps to connect when we can see the smiles of Troy, Hyatt, Sydney and Rebekah.
Love,
Cheri and Ron
The Villages
CRUCIAL INFORMATION
First be assured of my daily heartfelt prayers. Fervent Catholics all over the world are now praying for Hyatt!
Second, and this is crucial: There is solid hope for Hyatt's recovery.
I am an R.N. and have done the requisite research to tell you that the information I am about to give you is well documented.
Dr. Neubauer, M.D. is healing people with anoxic (or ischemic)encephalopathy with hyperbaric oxygen chamber treatments (aka HBOT). I would urge you to access the following website:
http://www.drneubauerhbo.com/profiles/new_page_1.htm
With love and prayers.
Troy,
I've been thinking and praying for you and Hyatt and listening to Live's "Heaven"...and I believe...
Had dinner with friends tonight and Hyatt's spirit broke our hearts and let the tears flow...
The beautiful thing is that the first green buds of new growth have begun to sprout. How does God do that?
Joey
Troy,
You're doing a great job and we're all here to support you.
Dear Nolan Family,
Just wanted to let you know that Hyatt was prayed for today at the 7:00 mass at Holy Trinity in Gainesville. We are hoping for a miracle and pray for her, Troy and the girls all the time. There is a line from a song by Natalie Grant that I just love, the song is called "Held". It says, "That the promise was when everything fell we'd be held". I hope you can feel the arms of our Lord, and so many of us in Bristow and around the country holding you in our prayers.
We dont know each other but I am a follower of your blog and I have been praying for Hyatt since I learned about your blog almost 3 weeks ago.
I admire your strength, Troy. Just trust in the Lord and He will guide you and your family throughout this journey.
God Bless you.
Hi Troy- It's 1:15am here in Raleigh NC. I was up unable to sleep worrying about how we are going to pay for college-so I got out of bed and popped on the computer. While surfing around I came upon your blog and have been crying for the last half hour reading it! I am so sorry to read about what your family is going through right now. My dad had cancer several years ago and I vividly remember the grueling schedule of work, hospital, kids, then back to the hospital to spend the night. I know that you are both physically and emotionally drained, but what a wonderful husband and father you seem to be. You, Hyatt, and the girls are obviously surrounded by wonderful friends and family-no doubt hand picked by God to help you all through this. Your story has been read by and touched many souls.
How silly it is of me to be worrying about money when I know that your family (and unfortunately many other families) has so much more on your plate TODAY.
I'm signing off to go pray for Hyatt, you and the girls, your extended family, and all of the wonderful friends that have lifted you up.
My best wishes to you...
Troy,
My heart and prayers go out to you and all of Hyatt's family and friends who are suffering a great loss. I pray for peace for you and for Hyatt. God bless all of you and grant you peace.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
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