Ever have one of those moments that just seems 'perfect'? Where you just pause, breathe, and feel like life just doesn't get any better? I believe that those moments are God's gift to us - showing us what He has prepared for us in Heaven - but just a glimpse.
My last perfect moment before the awful tragedy that took place two years ago (in a couple of hours) was with Hyatt and the kids at an Applebees just off of the Prince William parkway in Manassas. We had just come from Church where they had done family portraits for the directory.... if memory serves, it was September 8th, 2008. It was pouring rain - monsoon like - 30 mph wind blowing it in sheets. Sid and I ran in with an umbrella, Hyatt grabbed Bek and tried to manage an umbrella and the infant carrier. Sid and I watched her from inside the door. Everybody got soaked - everybody was laughing.
After we got seated at the table and our meal ordered, a stillness just came over us. We just smiled at each other and were at peace for a good couple of minutes. It was one of those 'perfect moments' - soaking wet, restaurant busyness all around, hungry - none of it intruded.
During the subsequent months before she died I had several other perfect moments at her bedside.... moments where she was peaceful and relaxed and she would just sink into my arms ... where all the anguish would just let up for a few minutes... where it was just us. No alarms, no medical personnel, no outside stimulus - just peace.
The last of these moments was the day that she died. Ten or fifteen minutes before. Where, it seemed, that our souls were privy to a glimpse of heaven.
She got there first.
For the first year, I didn't get many of those moments - the adjustment, the shock, the loss, the quiet, the anguish tended to block them out I think.
Year two was different. I have those moments again. I see those glimpses in the eyes of the kids, in the stillness of the outdoors in the evening, in the presence of newfound hope. I can see again promises of the path that God has laid before me.
I am at peace.
Hug those loved ones. Tell them how much you love them. How long has it been?
Troy.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Memories
So Hyatt was always the one who remembered all the little details of our life. Who all the gifts from 5 years ago were from, how each family member was related to us, and all the rest. I never needed to. Strange though, looking through her closet, I can see her in each and every piece of clothing. I can remember how she looked in it, and something that she was doing.
That is really one of my last remaining fears, that I'm going to forget these things. Some of you who are really close to me have seen my short-term memory get shwacked over the past year by lack of sleep and the stresses of life... so that somewhat amplifies that fear.
I guess in the large sense, life is not made up of all the crystal clear memories of each instant. It is made up of the lasting impressions that we carry with us. I'd like to be able to explain to the girls exactly what their mama was like in every given circumstance - but I'm probably not going to remember - nor do I remember them all explicitly now. They just come to me as the situations evolve. I guess maybe they will come less frequently over time. That is hard.
Its been quite a while since I posted. I didn't post on the anniversary of her cardiac arrest - I didn't post on the anniversary of her death. Why? I guess I didn't have much meaningful to say. Not that any of you hang by my every word - but sometimes these anniversaries just don't trigger the emotional response in me that I'd expect....
So, what am I thankful for today? I am thankful for the person that I am because of her influence. I am thankful for when the memories hit. I am thankful for the love of my family, my extended family, and my friends. I am thankful for my girls and I am hopeful about the future.
I don't know if this is my last post here ... I guess I'll see how the spirit moves me.
Tell your spouse, family, kids, all those close to you how much they mean to you and how much you love them. Life changes every heartbeat, and you never know if you or they will be given the gift of another one.
How long has it been?
Troy.
That is really one of my last remaining fears, that I'm going to forget these things. Some of you who are really close to me have seen my short-term memory get shwacked over the past year by lack of sleep and the stresses of life... so that somewhat amplifies that fear.
I guess in the large sense, life is not made up of all the crystal clear memories of each instant. It is made up of the lasting impressions that we carry with us. I'd like to be able to explain to the girls exactly what their mama was like in every given circumstance - but I'm probably not going to remember - nor do I remember them all explicitly now. They just come to me as the situations evolve. I guess maybe they will come less frequently over time. That is hard.
Its been quite a while since I posted. I didn't post on the anniversary of her cardiac arrest - I didn't post on the anniversary of her death. Why? I guess I didn't have much meaningful to say. Not that any of you hang by my every word - but sometimes these anniversaries just don't trigger the emotional response in me that I'd expect....
So, what am I thankful for today? I am thankful for the person that I am because of her influence. I am thankful for when the memories hit. I am thankful for the love of my family, my extended family, and my friends. I am thankful for my girls and I am hopeful about the future.
I don't know if this is my last post here ... I guess I'll see how the spirit moves me.
Tell your spouse, family, kids, all those close to you how much they mean to you and how much you love them. Life changes every heartbeat, and you never know if you or they will be given the gift of another one.
How long has it been?
Troy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
