Three Months.

Nope - not easier.

The girls are doing great. Some of my most lonely times are watching them grow - all the things that I'd love to share with Hyatt. Sidney told me today that "when mama was alive she was your sweetheart". I told Sid that mama still is my sweetheart... and then I went off and cried.

Life is getting routine again. A routine without her. I try to look into the future and to see what it looks like... all the stuff that is involved in raising two kids - things that Hyatt was a master at - she just had this intuition and connection to her girls...

I'm still doing it one day at a time - but I've never been good at that. I/We've always had a plan - something to work toward - so the one day at a time thing is leaving a big hole too...

I have a dear friend that is going through some struggles right now. She said all that she hears is doors slamming closed on her. I feel that pain too. The loss that we feel from what we have and what we might have is a painful thing. So God planted a thought in my head right during our conversation: We always hear doors slam closed - ever hear a door swing open? That is much harder to hear.

I feel so many closed doors with now, with the loss of my best friend, my wife, and my lover. It really an unimaginably large loss for me. To say I miss her is such an understatement. I don't even know if we have a word for it ...

Go hug your lover, your kids, your family ... someday you will feel this loss too .. if you haven't already. Make sure that you tell them how much they mean to you... leave that mark on their lives.

Troy.