Nope - not easier.
The girls are doing great. Some of my most lonely times are watching them grow - all the things that I'd love to share with Hyatt. Sidney told me today that "when mama was alive she was your sweetheart". I told Sid that mama still is my sweetheart... and then I went off and cried.
Life is getting routine again. A routine without her. I try to look into the future and to see what it looks like... all the stuff that is involved in raising two kids - things that Hyatt was a master at - she just had this intuition and connection to her girls...
I'm still doing it one day at a time - but I've never been good at that. I/We've always had a plan - something to work toward - so the one day at a time thing is leaving a big hole too...
I have a dear friend that is going through some struggles right now. She said all that she hears is doors slamming closed on her. I feel that pain too. The loss that we feel from what we have and what we might have is a painful thing. So God planted a thought in my head right during our conversation: We always hear doors slam closed - ever hear a door swing open? That is much harder to hear.
I feel so many closed doors with now, with the loss of my best friend, my wife, and my lover. It really an unimaginably large loss for me. To say I miss her is such an understatement. I don't even know if we have a word for it ...
Go hug your lover, your kids, your family ... someday you will feel this loss too .. if you haven't already. Make sure that you tell them how much they mean to you... leave that mark on their lives.
Troy.
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I am so very sorry...still
All of BMAK's doors are OPEN for you. We love you and will keep our doors and hearts open to you for as long as you want/need. You are among friends and (BMAK) Family. Lean on us and we will help all that we possibly can.
No shut doors to you, my friend. No closed minds to your plight, my neighbor. Only open hearts and open arms.
Much Love and Hugs Across the Fence,
Margaret, Rich, Lindsey & Jamie
Thank you for the update. I continue to check your blog and continue to pray.
Dear Troy,
Between Brett and I we check the blog almost every day. When I took note of the date I immediatly went to the blog. With the warmer weather coming, we hope to spend more time with you and your family. Even though our projector is still on the fritz, our door is always open for you.
Brett and Joelle
Thank you, Troy for the update. I still think and pray for you and your family often. G-d Bless.
Thank you Troy. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Still praying for you and your girls.
Sam
Troy...just a stranger here who has left comments for you through all of this, since the beginning. I just wanted you to know that I still think of you and your girls, of the pain you're in. You are not forgotten by any means, not by the strangers you've touched or by your friends and family. In my heart I know that you have a good future ahead of you and I so wish I could make you feel that right now. But you will feel it and know it...someday. Just keep listening for those Doors Swinging Open.
Molly
Troy, we've never met but I heard about and have been following your story since last fall. I just wanted to remind you that grieving takes a long time - some people say that initial raw stage takes a year, some people say you mourn the loss of a spouse for the same amount of time you were together. 3 months is a mere blink of an eye - you were probably engaged longer than that! This is going to take a long time. I hope you can find a support group to help you through this process. I am praying for you and your daughters.
I got the link to your blog through my cousin and I wanted to share something with you. On Sept 14, 2008 I lost my father very suddenly. He was a healthy 63 year old man who had a undetected heart disease. My brother went into his bedroom to wake him up for the Chief's game and found him dead. It was a terrible shock to me, my mother, my brother and my grandmother. My grandmother has taken it the hardest because what parent ever expects to outlive there children. My brother lost his best friend and my mother her dear husband. I lost my daddy that day. A man who was always there when I needed him.
It has been very hard for all of us dealing with his loss. We are at the 6 month anniversary of his death coming up and its still hard for us. I know that when I get sad and lonely I look towards God and thank him for all the time he gave me with my father. I relish the knowledge that my father is up there with him as a guardian angel to his family. My mom is taking it one step at a time. This spring we are finally going to clean out his closet in the bedroom hopefully and donate his things. We know its what he would want us to do.
Please remember that you are not alone in sharing a personal loss. That if you get the urge to cry go ahead and do it. Don't bottle it up. Finally always remember to look towards God when things get really hard and remember that up there beside him is your dear wife. A guardian angel to you and your family. Talk to her when you get sad or angry. I do with my father and always feel a calm peace when I'm done because I know he's listening and sending me his love.
God bless and be with you and your children.
I think of you often and pray for you and your girls. May you continue to find strength in your faith.
It doesn't seem possible that it has been three months already. So much has happened during that time, and I am sure every new thing reminds you of something else that you and your wife could have shared together. We continue to pray for you, it is just a part of our routine now--I hope whatever new "routines" you begin now will become just a little bit more bearable each day. God Bless you--
Carol from Haymarket
Troy,
I've struggled with what to say to you since reading your post 2 days ago. I read back on my blog to what I was feeling and thinking 3 months after Wendy's death, 21 months ago.
I don't know if this helps, but it gets different. I won't say it gets easier; but life will get routine again and you will eventually settle into your "new normal". Will you still hurt? Definitely. There will also come a day when you hurt because you don't hurt as much as you did. Then you'll look up and have a day when you may not have thought much about your loss and wonder what's wrong with you. Then life will take over and you'll be busy and moving forward and what you've experienced will almost feel like it happened in a different life. At least that's some of what I've experienced.
I too am/was a planner and not a day by day guy. However, I've tried to learn to embrace the day to day because we both know, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I've tried to view this as one of those blessing in disguise even though I find myself falling more and more into my old habits of looking to the future and planning rather than embracing today.
I want you to know I think of you and your family often; your girls, parents, siblings, and in-laws. Life is different for all of you now and tough for each of you in your own individual ways.
Also, if you leave a comment on my blog you can log in with an email address and I'll contact you if you wish. I don't feel comfortable posting my email address here publicly.
Praying,
Matt
Troy, I haven't checked the blog in awhile, cause it breaks my heart everytime I come here. Today, I went to mapquest a business trip, and the map defaulted to you & Hyatt's house (even though I've done several mapquests since then). I took it as a sign to check the blog, and to say a prayer for you and all of us who miss her so much. Came here, cried for you, and wanted you to know that people are still out there rooting for you, praying for you, thinking/empathizing with you. We all miss her presence on this Earth.
Rhonda Rollins
We're still here, praying for you and your girls.
The Schumachers
Thanks for a window into how you are doing. Loss is so hard and painful for so long but it does change eventually. When it starts to not hurt so much you think something's wrong with you and then you grieve that it's different than before. There aren't many friends that you can really talk to, who hang with you for the long haul. Hang onto the few and talk when you need to. Let them be your God with skin on so to speak.
I am praying for you still and will continue to do so until and I am still so sorry for your loss.
Troy - I can't stop thinking that you might appreciate a particular song. It has been helpful to me in a time of loss, and I can picture Hyatt singing it to you. It's called "If You Only Knew" and is recorded by Michael English on his CD "Heaven to Earth". I originally borrowed that CD from PWC library, and ended up buying my own copy from Amazon. The title song has also been meaningful to me when struggling, and may also meet a need. I find music vey healing, and know that music is important to you and Hyatt. I hope this helps. I continue to pray for you.
Troy I have followed your blog through the months and continue to check it as it is a reminder for me to live my life to the fullest.
My good friend just learned her husband is leaving her. She has MS and they have a little girl. I will share with her what you wrote about hearing doors open.
I wish you much love and recovery through your grieving process. Hyatt will be with you every step of the way.
Troy,
to read your updates just makes my heart wrench for you and your family. But no one knows your pain as well as you do. Phillipians 4:13 comes to mind, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I can not even imagine the hurt in your heart but God does and as much as it doesn't make sense what has happened, one day you will. I pray that God will encamp round about you and those precious 2 girls and give you a strength like NEVER before. When it is hardest to pray, pray anyway. God cares and he will carry you through this. Just try not to focus on your pain, instead focus on your blessings. Although you miss Hyatt, the sun will shine again. Just lean on God and trust him. Just like Job in the bible said after he lost his family and everything he said, "I will praise the name of the Lord".
I was at the memorial service in Greensboro. I was the girl standing next to you when you were talking to Christy Konchar. Just know that God WILL get you through this.
Prayers,
Renee Oakley Pate
(High School friend of Hyatt's)
Troy,
Just a reminder that you and your girls are in the thoughts and prayers of so many, like us, even though we don't write...keep on keepin on! Love to you all and your folks,
Bob and Pat Geipel
Hey Troy,
I still think of you often and pray for you. As what would have my son's 20th birthday was approaching, I was rereading a book given to me shortly after his passing. The book is A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser. Something he said really helped me as I was processing the loss of my son.
"I did not go through pain and come out the other side; instead, I lived in it and found within that pain the grace to survive and eventually grow. I did not get over the loss of my loved ones; rather, I absorbed the loss into my life, like soil receives decaying matter, until it became a part of who I am. Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it."
When I read that quote this week, I thought of you and where you might be in grieving your loss and in parenting your girls and in living the life you've been given.
I will continue to pray for you and the girls and all of your friends and family as you walk this road-Trusting God's grace to be sufficient for you right in the middle of your pain. You are loved, Troy!
Thinking of you and the girls today.
Tracy
Bristow, VA
Hi Troy,
Thinking of you and the girls today. Rebekah's birthday I know must be hard but I hope you had a celbration with cake and balloons. maybe some bubbles. I miss her too. Several times a week I think about how grateful that I am staying at home raising my daughter Harmony. Hyatt gave me a lot of support and inspiration in making that decision. You were a big help to her and I am so glad she was able to give all of her limitied time to the girls. even if they don't remember her-they will know her deep in the souls. take care. brenda olson
Praying for you today, Troy. I still think of you and the girls often.
Troy, I've been thinking about you and the girls all week. I want to wish you a Happy Easter. I've been praying as I thought of you doing various activities with the girls this week.
For you, I am praying that you will find a sense of hope even through your pain as you contemplate what Christ's death and resurrection means for you especially during this time.
I love you and your girls even though I have never met you. You have a special place in my heart. You are loved and always on HIS mind!
Dear Troy,
The other day I was looking up one of my favorite verses. The website I was using had it in several translations. The one below is from The Message. It's just kind of a modern day translation of the verse but I loved the way it read. It made me think of you so I thought I'd share it with you.
“Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady; keep a firm grip on you." Isaiah 41:10
I've gone back to it over and over in my life to steady me and help me keep walking and trusting. I hope it encourages you whereever you are in your journey today. Love and Hugs to YOU and the GIRLS!
Troy-still thinking of you daily, praying for you and the girls.
Still thinking of you and your girls, Troy. I hope you are doing well.
Best wishes
Troy,
Mark and I planted Hyatt's Memorial Maple yesterday (they won't ship trees til planting time). Maples provide amazing comfort and shade in the heat of the summer, and are the most beautiful trees during the colors of fall. That's how I think of my dear friend, Hyatt, always a comfort and one of the most beautiful people I've ever known, from the inside & out.
I still cry regularly over the loss of my best friend, so I can't even fathom what you must be experiencing. Know that I pray often for you and the girls, that you find some peace and comfort.
Rhonda Rollins
Hey Troy, I've been thinking about you and your family this week. Still praying and letting you know that you're not alone in this hard thing you must go through. Love and Hugs, GarvyS
not a sharer but know kare would want me to, my wife is in the icu with fungal pneumonia, this is the 6th time this year shes been in icu, i came here today bcus of her, it was in her bookmarks and your on the list of people she prays for daily.
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