Memories

So Hyatt was always the one who remembered all the little details of our life. Who all the gifts from 5 years ago were from, how each family member was related to us, and all the rest. I never needed to. Strange though, looking through her closet, I can see her in each and every piece of clothing. I can remember how she looked in it, and something that she was doing.

That is really one of my last remaining fears, that I'm going to forget these things. Some of you who are really close to me have seen my short-term memory get shwacked over the past year by lack of sleep and the stresses of life... so that somewhat amplifies that fear.

I guess in the large sense, life is not made up of all the crystal clear memories of each instant. It is made up of the lasting impressions that we carry with us. I'd like to be able to explain to the girls exactly what their mama was like in every given circumstance - but I'm probably not going to remember - nor do I remember them all explicitly now. They just come to me as the situations evolve. I guess maybe they will come less frequently over time. That is hard.

Its been quite a while since I posted. I didn't post on the anniversary of her cardiac arrest - I didn't post on the anniversary of her death. Why? I guess I didn't have much meaningful to say. Not that any of you hang by my every word - but sometimes these anniversaries just don't trigger the emotional response in me that I'd expect....

So, what am I thankful for today? I am thankful for the person that I am because of her influence. I am thankful for when the memories hit. I am thankful for the love of my family, my extended family, and my friends. I am thankful for my girls and I am hopeful about the future.

I don't know if this is my last post here ... I guess I'll see how the spirit moves me.

Tell your spouse, family, kids, all those close to you how much they mean to you and how much you love them. Life changes every heartbeat, and you never know if you or they will be given the gift of another one.

How long has it been?

Troy.