I've been thinking a lot about marriage and what it really means - more importantly how we should act - how I should act and how I should have acted. Marriage is tough. Marriage without being open to God's presence must be really tough. Hyatt and I always tried to keep God at the center of our Marriage - but, we didn't always get it right...
I believe that the primary goal of married life is to help each other to be more holy. To help each other live according to God's will... and ultimately to help each other reach heaven. Wow - all those offhanded sharp words and stupid arguments really are brought into perspective for me now.
Let me offer a thought to consider: If you knew your spouse would not live to see tomorrow - how different would you treat him/her? Since we never really know if we will get to talk to each other again, why not always treat each other like you would treat them if you only had one more day.
I wish I had had that question posed to me....
I love Hyatt with every bit of who I am. I am still unable to really grasp this whole thing. Sid still wants her mom to come home and play with her - so do I. She sees me crying and asks if I'm sad.... and hugs me and tells me that it is ok to be sad. The loss that I feel for the kids is staggering.
Hug those kids - Kiss your hubby/wife - wake them up - tell them you love them.
Troy.
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45 comments:
Oh well. I can't understand your comment on how God and marriage are related since I am not a religious person. But I can't thank you enough for reminding us how beautiful a family is with dad, mom and kids being together everyday. Best Wishes.
Troy,
Although I don't know you, I continue to follow your blog and to keep you and the whole family in my prayers. I wanted you to know how much you have given me to think and pray about. Your insight into life, love and marriage is amazing. Thank you for helping everyone else.
Troy,
Thank you for making take a step back and look at what I have. I continue to pray for you and your family. Stay strong.
Phyllis Martello
BMAK
Troy,
I am at a loss for words at the moment. You all are so precious. You are being such an amazing witness to SO many even in the midst of your own pain. You are being an obedient servant even though the plan isn't what you would have picked. Please know that people are praying for you and here to support you and the girls in anyway that we can. Sidney and Bekah are truly precious as are your mom and dad's love through this whole thing. You won't know until you get to Heaven how many lives you are impacting with your faithful, obedient attitude, but I'm sure it is more than you can guess. I'm praying.
Kim Nussbaum
You don't know me, but a prayer chain referred me to your blog. I ahve been following this for a while now. My heart just goes out to you and your little girls. I look at my 2 1/2 year old son and feel so blessed for myself for having him and my husband and for him to have both of his parents. You and your family are always in our prayers. Every night my son and I say a good night prayer and bless those we feel we want to bless. Hyatt is always in that list.
I was reading an earlier blog of yours where you mentioned that she had a dream thinking you were in a car accident. Since this was so close to her incident, have you tried telling her now that you are very much alive and waiting for her to come back to you? I've heard situations where someone thinks their loved ones are gone and don't fight to come back. I'm no doctor, but maybe somewhere in her sub concious, she thinks you have died in a car crash and is hearing you from the other side. Like I said, I'm no doctor, but I've heard of stories like this before and I just pray that your wife gets to see your daughters go to prom, get married and then grow old with you. You all deserve this. Just know that you are all in our prayers, even those that you don't know. *hugs*
Pray for what you want with all your heart and no fear that your wish will not come true! When you pray like that, God pours his blessings.
I hope you hear us all in the background adding to your prayers for Hyatt, the girls and you. You are NOT alone!
God Bless You...you are amazing! You and your family remain in my prayers!
Troy, your post today really touched me and made me think about how we all tend to take our every day life and those in it for granted...that they will always be there with us and that is so not the case. When you said love your loved ones like it is your last day with them that really made me put things in perspective. I plan to take your advice to heart and no matter how busy the day is or how sick the kids are or how stressed I may be to make my husband and my girls know that they are the absolutely most important people to me in my life and how lucky I am to have them. I check your blog every day wanting to hear how you and your family is doing and I still pray for a miracle for Hyatt. Your strength throughout this ordeal amazes and inspires so many.
Your neighbor, Karen
My situation is so different. We've been married 37 years, not too many disagreements, but Craig found out 5 1/2 years ago that he had cancer. He watched his two brothers, mother, and father die of this dreaded disease. We've known about this for years, and we're trying to pack in as much as we can while we're able. He's had radiation and two rounds of chemo. No chemo for 18 months, but it looks like he'll be back on chemo again. His reaction-it better not interfere with my golf or our trip to Hawaii!!!! Don't forget that you need to do as much as you can with those kids while you're able. sm
Dearest Troy:
I am a friend of Nancy & Whitney's...I have been praying for you Hyatt, you, and the girls and your whole family from the day Nancy found out...there are over 40-50 people praying for all of you just from my email lists....
I've filled with awe that you can care enough about anyone else at this point but thank you for your unconditional love to remind us to not take our loved ones for granted one single hour....
I'm still believing Hyatt is coming back to us all....here on earth...and complete and healthy.
Love and Prayers, in Faith for Hyatt's Complete healing.
LauraLee Moore, Lilburn, Georgia
Your strength through all of this has really been such an inspiration. You truly have a gift and I feel that you were meant to help spread the love of life and the love of God, to all whom you come in contact with. It is so true that we don't realize what we have until something unfortunate happens. I have been following this blog and have become stronger in my faith because of you and the love you have for your family and for God. And I am sure Hyatt knows how many lives she has been touching in a positive way through this horrible ordeal. I pray for you every day, and I think about you and Hyatt and your children on many occasions each day. Though I have never met you or your family, please know you are cared about and thought of on a daily basis.
Michele
Troy,
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." --Kahlil Gibran
As the pages flip in your mind, and you mentally relive the many years you and Hyatt have shared, please pause longer on the moments of joy and great love. Hyatt knows how much you love her.
Dear Troy,
I have never had the opportunity to meet you, or your family, but I have been thinking of you and praying for you ever since I learned of your story from the MOPS (moms of preschoolers) group that I am in. I cannot begin to express how much I admire your strength and honesty. Your are an amazing father and your children are blessed to have you. Your wife is an amazing mommy and I continue to pray that she will wake up and come home to play with her precious babies. I know that for me personally, her story has made me a better mother. I try not to take any time for granted. I try to remember that my babies will not remember how clean the house was, or that the bow in their hair matched their outfit just right, that what they will remmeber is the times we spend playing and laughing and loving, and I hope to be able to tell her thank you for that some day. Thank you for the contstant reminders to say the I love yous. I am sure that the fact that the two of you will definitley be together again, if not on earth but in heaven, is a comfort. I love my husband and I love God, but we have not made him the center of our marriage as we need to, and I pray that we can. Thank you for your inspiration. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Hi Troy,
Interesting comment. While reading the blog & comments I was wondering if you're often confused at seeing so many comments that you are so strong while perhaps you're feeling all weak and imperfect inside. I was thinking of how Christ works strongly in and through us when we're weak, and in the future looking back, you may notice so many graces and insights from this time of great suffering. There many ways God is working even now in your marriage to draw you closer to Himself.
This next part is going to make you cry, so save it for an already teary time. It's about marriage, too, and the image of Christ and His Bride that's being more and more clarified. You've heard it at least once years ago, and it seemed to parallel your comment in several parts.
I love you & keep you in my prayers.
Tonight we ask God’s blessing
As we prepare to feast
That within this couple
Grows love and joy and peace
These fruits of those who
follow Christ
And seek to do His Will
We ask that in each Married day
He may in them instill
A love that’s truly selfless
As was Christ’s love for us
When for our salvation
He died upon a cross
We ask that their love always
May seek to serve the other
In all life’s little actions
And in this way serve Our Father
Jesus, give them joy
As a new groom and bride
The joy that comes from living
Two as one in You abide
For when these two are joined
It’s really rather three
The bride and groom and Jesus
To live in unity
As they together do Your Will
Your peace upon them lay
That they may live in harmony
Throughout this earthly day
Should times of discord come
When together on their knees
Give grace for swift forgiveness
And let them know Your peace
May they care for one another
As they would care for You
Thus giving good example
In all they say and do
Give them grace to raise the kids
However many there may be
To grow up in this world
And love and follow Thee
About ten years ago
God brought their paths together
The vigil is now here
Of the vows they’ll live forever
We ask that through the years
In them is clarified
The image of the love
Between Christ and His Bride
This image is God’s gift to us
When faithful to His Will
These two follow His calling
Their vocation to fulfill
We thank God for the gift
He’s given
To Hyatt and to Troy
And pray the help of
tomorrow’s graces
They may ‘til heaven enjoy
Troy, you continue to amaze me in each blog post. I want to thank you for putting yourself out there each time you come here and post, that can't be easy. Not only does it help you through things, but it's a teaching tool for so many. Again, you don't know me but I try to comment on your posts when I can, especially the posts that particularly touch me. This is one of those posts for me. My husband and I try our best to keep God at the center of our marriage. We discuss the Bible often, he has taught me so much about the Bible even though I grew up going to Sunday school and church every Sunday. We pray together with our children every Sunday as well...we each thank God for something (that's in addition to our bed time prayers each night). It's amazing how much harder life is when you don't allow God in.
Keep on loving your girls, and don't forget to pray with them out loud as well.
Molly
Troy,
Please don't say there were times that you didn't get marriage right!! You and Hyatt really, truly did! Just look at your sweet girlies! And for the times that you think you didn't, well, those times are merely Human Nature!
Let me tell you what I saw of your marriage from the outside: I saw you and Hyatt taking your sweet walks together through the neighborhood. Sometimes with Sidney, Bek and Kayla and sometimes just the two of you. Always deep in conversation, always holding hands.
This is what I heard of your marriage. Hyatt told me how you were college sweethearts and that you were the love of her life. She told us geeky little tidbits about your funny daily ways. Always with laughter in her voice. Aways with love twinkling in her eyes.
Obviously these are things that I saw from the outside of your marriage, but what I saw and what others saw was BEAUTIFUL and something a lot of us are jealous of. You have a beautiful marriage and a love story to tell your girls.
Your love story continues to inspire all who read this blog.
Miss her so...
Love & Prayers
Margaret, Rich, Lindsey & Jamie Asbell
Troy,
Should God choose to call Hyatt home, some suggestions to help with the girls...
--Instead of allowing them to focus on the obvious hole in their lives, or what they are missing, let them know how special they are to have parents who love and protect them from both heaven and earth.
--Have "Mommy Days" where you spend time with the girls doing things Hyatt loves...reading her favorite books, singing her favorite songs, eating at her favorite restaurants, doing activities she enjoys. Have her friends and family provide suggestions about things you can do too...make a list. Use those days and activities as opportunities to teach the girls about Hyatt. Kids learn by doing.
--Don't worry too much about whether the girls will come to know and love Hyatt. You have proven, through this blog, that you have the ability to make thousands who don't know her...love her...and find their lives influenced for the better because she has walked the earth.
You were chosen as Hyatt's husband...as Sid and Bekah's father...for a reason...and we can all see that reason shining brightly through the darkest of storms.
Hang in there. We are praying for you, Hyatt, and your family.
It is evident you are not on this journey alone. I am another one who's never met you but think about you often and pray for you. Know that there are many prayers for you, Hyatt and your girls. I can only hope I find someone as devoted as you are to Hyatt to share my life with someday.
Thank you for your willingness to share your heart on these important issues, even in the midst of your suffering. Your situation makes your voice a powerful one and it really touches my heart. God bless you and your family; you are in my prayers.
How funny that this new post is relating to a topic that we are continually covering at our church. We are not married to make one another happy, we are married to make one another holy and to worship God. Then in turn, God will pour out his many blessing upon us! How awesome is He?! You can't beat yourself up about your "sharp tongue" or "discussions" that you and Hyatt may have had. Another topic that we discussed this past Sunday: "Why do we often say those hurtful things to our spouses?" B/c we know that they love us unconditional. Anyhow, none of this makes sense really. But Hyatt KNOWS that you had an unconditional love for her, as proven over the last 2 months. You have such an awesome testimony and such a witness to so many! Thank YOU for your constant encouragement and advise to us!
Still following your blog and wishing you the strength you need to carry on from England.
...Linda
Troy,
So I've read this three times now, and I'm crying again. I forwarded it to my family group at St. Mary's. We've all been praying for you, Hyatt and the girls even though most of the group has not met you. I'm planning to send you an email in the next couple of weeks to see if Hyatt needs visitors to come regularly when you're not there. I'll be in touch. God Bless.
Terry
Your blog and prayer request got to me via a friend in Greensboro, NC. I am in Guam (orig. from NC) and have forwarded the request to others here and back in the mainland. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that prayers are being offered from even the farthest point from you on the map...and with the time difference, that means prayers are going up here when most where you are are sleeping.
I relate to your story in many ways b/c of somewhat similar circumstances and experiences with family members of my own. I don't know the purpose of all this, but I hope you can hang on to and grow in your faith through this time. You have our prayers.
I live in Colorado and heard about you and your family through a prayer chain. I check in on you everyday and pray to see the post, "She's coming home". I admire your strength and love you have for your family. Your children are blessed and lucky to have you in their life. I will continue to check in everyday and pray for Hyatt to come home.
Many blessings.
Troy,
I went to high school with Hyatt and always thought so highly of her... everyone did. She was that rare person that had the courage and self-awareness, even at such a young age, to treat everyone the same. When I read your blog what breaks my heart most is the loss you are feeling for your children. I am so sorry. My kids are close to the same age as yours and that fear of leaving them too soon is always in my thoughts. You have inspired me to have more patience and give more hugs. Thanks.
I am so glad you have so much support, let them help you.
Steph
Troy,
I am getting married this week, and I must say that you and Hyatt are my inspiration. No one knows what each day holds in store for us, and as I take my vows "in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health" I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Yours is a true love story, and through both of you, many marriages and families are much stonger today because you have helped us to focus on what is most important. I will always be grateful to you and Hyatt . . .
Troy,
You and your family come to mind often. I am praying for you - for mercy, grace, and God's eyes to see what he is doing in the midst of this awful, unspeakable pain.
He will continue to take care of all of you, and he knows the path of your daughter's lives and what they will need each step.
Peace be with you,
aimee fritz
(friend of jessica bullock who went to grad school with hyatt)
Thinking of you tonight. Praying for you, Hyatt, your girls, and your family and friends. May strength, peace, and faith be yours as you approach the holiday season. We'll say extra prayers to pull you through...and, as you consistently encourage, we'll give extra hugs and kisses (and time) to those we love in honor of your love for Hyatt.
Hi Troy,
I have seen God's hand on your life through this experience and we trust His loving, caring nature will carry you forward. Please know that God hears every prayer and knows every thought you have. May you be blessed and sustained by His mighty power at work when you are powerless. He is your refuge and strength. An ever present help in times of trouble.
Troy,
I'm sharing a poem that has meant a great deal to me in difficult times. I pray that it will bring you comfort. Much love, Nancy
He Leadeth Me
In pastures green? Not always; sometimes He
who knoweth best, in kindness leadeth me
In weary ways, where heavy shadows be.
Out of the sunshine warm and soft and bright,
Out of the sunshine into darkest night;
I oft would faint with sorrow and affright.
Only for this-I know He holds my hand,
So whether in the green or desert land.
I trust, although I may not understand.
And by still waters? No, not always so;
Oftimes the heavy tempests round me blow,
And o'er my soul the waves and billows go.
But when the storm beats loudest and I cry
Aloud for help, the Master standeth by,
And whispers to my soul, "Lo, it is I."
Above the tempest wild I hear Him say,
"Beyond this darkness lies the perfect day,
In every path of thine I lead the way."
So, whether on the hilltops high and fair
I dwell, or in the sunless valleys where
The shadows lie-what matters? He is there.
And more than this; where'er the pathway lead
He gives to me no helpless, broken reed,
But His own hand, sufficient for my need.
So where He leads me I can safely go;
And in the blest hereafter I shall know
Why in His wisdom He hath led me so.
-H.H.Barry-
Hi!
I continue to follow your story even though I don't know your family personally. I am thinking of you often as we go into the holiday season - I'm sure it will be tough with Hyatt being away and I pray every day for her to open her eyes to you.
~Nancy
Troy, the big brother I always wished I had,
You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I drive Michael to school in the morning and when we say prayers, there's always one for your special family - for strength, comfort, peace, and faith from the Holy Spirit.
I was so touched to read this post. I got engaged a couple weeks ago and have been thinking often and fondly of your and Hyatt's wedding as I begin to plan my own. What a blessed and beautiful occasion it was and the joy of being a part of it. Mom actually commented to me this morning that your wedding was one of the most wonderful she has ever been to. Thank you for reminding me that it is not just the wedding day, but the beauty of a life of bringing each other to the joy of Heaven that makes a marriage special.
Love,
Bri Farrell
I have taken all your words to heart. Life is fragile, more than we really can understand. I have been praying for you and your young family for weeks now. Thank you for sharing your love with all of us. I hope it gives you strength for many years to come.
Katie
Troy,
I am at a loss for words to ease your pain or comfort your heart. I only know that God has been with me through all that I have faced in my life and he is with you, Hyatt and the girls now and will be forever.
You are in my prayers and my heart daily.
Love,
Aunt Eileen
Praying for and thinking of Hyatt and your whole familie(s) as Thanksgiving approaches. I know this will be an extremely tough time for you and others in your family but I pray Philippians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I love this verse for so many reasons, and how appropriate at this time of Thanksgiving. Thanks you for sharing with us your heart, feelings and journey.
Cheryl in NC
Troy,
What a witness you are for countless people who read your stories and are praying for you and your family. Your faith is what others pray for. We all want to help you in whatever way we can and you are the one ministering to so many. Your meaning of marriage is so powerful. I have been a Christian for many years and since the time I have been keeping up with this blog..you have helped me through so much of daily life and especially my marriage. I never really thought of the purpose of marriage the way you put it. I totally agree. Your words help us hold dear to our loved ones. I am very sad for your trials, but hold tight to your faith because GOD knows when, where, how and why. Just hold on.
Love and prays,
Becky and Ray Lowe
We've come to your blog through a prayer request I received and what started as a prayer has turned into a life changing experience for me. As I read about the events unfolding within your family, I'm reminded just how fragile life is and that tomorrow is not promised. My husband and I have infant triplets which can be trying at times to say the least, and just when we begin to talk sharply to eachother, your words ring in our ears. So in addition to praying for you, Hyatt, your children, and your families, I will hug my family tighter and tell them one extra time just how much I love them.
I'm thinking of you, Troy, as Thanksgiving and then Christmas approach. It's not any easy time for those in pain. Lean on God, lean on your family, lean on friends to help you through. By allowing others to help, you are helping them do God's work too.
Bless you all,
Barb
I heard Reba's "What do you say" the other day in the car. I couldn't help but think of Hyatt and what you're going through. Through the tears I sang every word. What do you say in moments like this? I'm still praying Troy!
~Laura
Stuck at a red light outside an adult bookstore
His son said, daddy, what are all those x’s for
As the light turned green he changed the subject fast
He started talkin’ ’bout football as they drove right past
Chorus:
What do you say in a moment like this
When you can’t find the words oh to tell it like it is
Just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way
Let’s get out of here oh what do you say
Seventeen years old she was out with her friends
They started drinken’ at some party ’til she was three sheets to the Wind
Her momma always told her she can call no matter what
She was cryin’ on the front steps when her mom showed up
Repeat chorus
Sometimes you got to listen to the silence
And give yourself a little time to think
Her every breath is weaker than the last
And lately when she sleeps she talks about the past
Her husband knows she’s tired of holding on
She looks at him and says I want to go home
What do you say in a moment like this
When you can’t find the words to tell it like it is
Just close your eyes and let your heart lead the way
Oh what do you say
Dear Troy,
You and your family haven't been far from my thoughts with the approach of all the holidays. I just wanted to stop by and let you know that you are loved and prayed for!
Troy,
I wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you all day today. My heart is so broken for you. Thank you for your constant wisdom and reminders about our precious families. I hate that you have had to endure such a tragedy for us to get a swift kick in the butt. During this Thanksgiving season, I am thankful for you and your family. Thankful for the awesome testimony that you have shown since day one. I pray that you feel the hands of the Lord on you and the girls continously.
Love,
Chris and Ashley Price
Troy,
On Thanksgiving Day, I'm thankful that you have the love, strength, faith, endurance, and support that has led you this far...and that you have two beautiful "pieces of Hyatt" to remind you of life's goodness. Please give Hyatt a hug from all of us and tell her that we are praying for her.
Hang in there!
Today is Thanksgiving, and I'm thinking of you, and your family. We are so greatful to be together. God Be With You. sm
Thinking about you and your family on your first holiday without Hyatt at home. My 4 year old added a prayer for Hyatt to the end of our Thanksgiving grace today - "for Sydney's mommy to feel all better and come home soon."
I pray you can find moments of joy in the month ahead. Thank God for the girls to give you something to be thankful for and bring you joy.
My love goes out to you all. Still praying for a miracle, and for you to stay strong in your faith that God has a plan.
Love,
A fellow Mom
Troy, I have to second the comment from Marga. You and Hyatt DID get it right. I've known you two from about a year after you started dating. I know you went through some rough patches, but you always came out loving each other even more.
But Troy, know this (and I told Hyatt this long ago...) You two ARE my example of an amazing, loving marriage. I looked to Hyatt regularly for advice & perspective in my own marriage, knowing what an incredible one you two had. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of marriages that have made it to the end, still in love. But you and Hyatt....you simply "bubble over" with love and happiness in each other.
I'm not getting this out quite like I had hoped, but Troy; Hyatt knows to the very depths of her soul that you love her. She can't help not to, when the rest of us see it plainly when we see you together. And you continue to show it through this blog, and your amazing willingness to share such intimate pain with others, and your continued faith.
I really admire your courage, unflagging faith, and openness. You and Hyatt are never far from my thoughts. Please tell her again that I love her, and I REALLY miss talking & laughing with the best friend I've ever had.
Love,
Rhonda Rollins
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